Rapidly Turning Circles In An Airplane Bathroom

Rapidly turning circles in an airplane bathroom.

That’s what life feels like for me. I’ve become a punching bag for the universe. I always seem to feel like I am operating in crisis mode. Every breath feels like an anchor, every movement a burden. This last month has been brutal.     B - R - U - T - A - L❗ 

I learned a long time ago to never ask, “what next??!!” because without doubt, I am going to find out.

Bad days, bad times. I know we've all been here. Most people visit. I, however, have seemed to take up residence! Can I get a tax credit for this fixer upper that’s my life? ANTYyone personally know Chip and Joanna and are willing to call them to see what miracles they can work with this mess that’s currently my life? It’s an overwhelming carnival of disappointment and frustration to which I am considering selling tickets. Drinks, popcorn and cotton candy will be extra. I know life can be tough but seriously, ALL THE TIME??? It feels like life is just out to get me, ya know? I know I am not alone. My fellow sufferers, ya feel me?

The constant bombardment of burdens and setbacks can be suffocating. Each hit chips away at my tenacity, destroying any hope in its path. The exhaustion of fighting against this invisible force that seems determined to break me down leaves me feeling powerless and drained. It's in these moments that the urge to succumb to the tidal wave of emotions and simply surrender becomes almost irresistible. Let me tell ya, it’s an absolute treat to be so emotionally drained that crying seems like the only manageable option for expressing myself. Crying has become my only form of exercise. The relentless feeling of being on the verge of breaking down, brewing and lurking just beneath the surface. I perpetually battle it like a prizefighter yet sadly, there’s never a prize in the end. 

Where’s the referee? I am declaring a corner retirement.

Truly, there's nothing quite like the exhilarating sensation of always being on the brink of tears. It's like life just keeps throwing punches at me left and right, and all I wanna do is curl up in a ball, pull the covers over my head, and cry my eyes out and let those salty little raindrops soak my pillow. The battle scars increase with each passing difficult situation, and I fight to find the strength to keep pushing forward despite the unrelenting ambush.

I have been blessed with a tremendously thoughtful, god-fearing circle of friends who stand in the gap and hedge in for me and my family. I can’t help but feel a bit regretful for those who think they have this but realistically do not. A time will come when they find themselves hungry. 

I have, without question, learned who does and does not deserve a seat at my table and I no longer try to scoot my chair up to tables meant to be flipped.

To perpetuate injustice assures your table to be turned. 

Stop selling pigeons.

I know folks mean well when they say it, but ohhhhh my, the infamous clichés of "this too shall pass" “it’s going to be ok” and "take some deep breaths," always offered up as some sort of magical solution to one’s problems. Sure, they may sound comforting in theory, but in reality, they fall short of beneficial.

I am personally all cliché’d out. 

Would you tell someone drowning in quicksand to just relax and enjoy the scenery? 

It's not that simple! Sometimes folks need more than empty expressions; they need solid support and genuine empathy. They may not say it out loud, but I can almost guarantee most are thinking that "deep breathing" isn't going to pay my bills, fix my medical troubles or solve ANY of my problems. If unable to offer a solution, tell them that you will pray for their needs. That right there, IS that simple.

If anyone out there is just dying for a taste of this exquisite experience of life throwing itself at you with relentless force and no mercy, I highly recommend diving headfirst into a world of non-stop struggles and emotional turmoil. It's an absolute blast, I assure you! 🙄 

Otherwise, keep following and take a front row seat to watch my pure joy of constantly battling through challenges and feeling like every step forward comes with ten steps back. It’s almost certain to be interesting as I do not always handle things with grace. 🤷 #sorrynotsorry