Tales From an Exhausted Medical Mama

3 years, 356 days and (roughly) 23 hours ago I answered a call from Alabama with one of the nursing transplant coordinators from Children's of AL on the other end. My heart dropped as the nurses never called after hours. The nurse said she was calling with some “potentially good news”, a preliminary kidney match was available. Do you ever hear good or bad news and have to force yourself to NOT mentally black out because you KNOW you HAVE to remember details? Meanwhile, you're trying to listen and commit every single detail to memory AND also begin doing the list of things that need to be started RIGHT THEN.....I may not can tell you what clothes I wore yesterday but I remember that call so distinctly, as if it were ten minutes ago. The nurse had given me some additional news that Rico and I needed to make a decision on, reasonably quickly. I told her that he was at work but could be home quickly and asked how soon we needed to be on the road? She told me we needed to be safe ab...

Rough Day? Well, I just stopped at a speed limit sign, so there's that. How's your day going?

Four score and 7 weeks ago we bought a couch and love seat from a friend of a friend. Rico picked it up in Oakland, he was in a hurry and forgot to take the cushions off the couch and they blew off, never to be found again (because he drove back to look). Week before last, I saw on marketplace someone selling the same couch. Where they live is where one of my family members is from and it turned out they know each other. I inquired about them to be sure I wasn't buying a couch that would come with “friends” even though I was just using the cushions from it. Rico picked it up Sunday and Mini Mayhem's first day on it was last Monday. Despite my best efforts to protect the fabric, Monday night, she had diarrhea, and it ran. It ran like Forrest Gump ran across the state of Alabama. And it wreaked. I heard it happen, so I got up to change her diaper right after so it’s not like I waited and ended up with a mess. Now I don't know when the last time you smelled kid po...

RUN THE DISHWASHER TWICE  written by Cheryl Zippay When I was at one of my lowest (mental) points in life, I couldn’t get out of bed some days. I had no energy or motivation and was barely getting by. I had therapy once per week, and on this particular week I didn’t have much to ‘bring’ to the session. He asked how my week was and I really had nothing to say. “What are you struggling with?” he asked. I gestured around me and said “I dunno man. Life.” Not satisfied with my answer, he said “No, what exactly are you worried about right now? What feels overwhelming? When you go home after this session, what issue will be staring at you?” I knew the answer, but it was so ridiculous that I didn’t want to say it. I wanted to have something more substantial. Something more profound. But I didn’t. So I told him, “Honestly? The dishes. It’s stupid, I know, but the more I look at them the more I CAN’T do them because I’ll have to scrub them before I put them in the dishwasher, because the dis...

  (Not my photo) We live in a very critical world and people can be downright, hateful. If you handle a situation differently than someone else, you did it wrong. Never mind if they have never experienced the same situation, it’s what they would have done so it’s what YOU should have done. If it is anything I have learned over the last ten years, especially the last three or so, is there is NO perfect way. I may be a special needs/medical Mom, however, I don’t feel that my hard is any harder than anyone else’s. We are all built differently. We have diverse approaches and handle things at varying capacities. What one may find extremely challenging, another may find it as no obstacle at all. Let’s talk grief for a moment. How do you grieve a loss? What are the rules? How long should it last? Do you cry? Does crying mean you care or that you’re weak? Do you not shed a tear? Does that make you calloused or strong? Do you talk about it or ignore it? Do you allow it to impa...

You are holding a cup of coffee when someone comes along and bumps into you or shakes your arm, making you spill your coffee everywhere. Why did you spill the coffee? "Well because someone bumped into me, of course!" Wrong answer. You spilled the coffee because there was coffee in your cup. Had there been tea in the cup, you would have spilled tea. *Whatever is inside the cup, is what will spill out.* Therefore, when life comes along and shakes you (which WILL happen), whatever is inside you will come out. It's easy to fake it, until you get rattled. *So we have to ask ourselves... “what's in my cup?" When life gets tough, what spills over? Joy, gratefulness, peace and humility? Or anger, bitterness, harsh words and reactions? You choose! Today let's work towards filling our cups with gratitude, forgiveness, joy, words of affirmation, kindness, gentleness, and love for others. (The above was taken from  Good News Planet ,)

Give my sight to the man who has never seen a sunrise, a baby's face, or love in the eyes of a woman. Give my heart to a person whose own heart has caused nothing but endless days of pain. Give my blood to the teenager who was pulled from the wreckage of his car, so that he might live to see his grandchildren play. Give my kidneys to one who depends on a machine to exist from week to week. Take my bones, every muscle, every fiber and nerve in my body and find a way to make a crippled child walk. If you must bury something, let it be my faults, my weaknesses, and all prejudice against my fellow man. Give my sins to the devil. Give my soul to God. If, by chance, you wish to remember me, do it with a kind deed or word to someone who needs you. If you do all I have asked, I will live forever. -- Robert N. Test #DonateLife ©️

The title is Latin. I do not speak Latin. It's just something I encountered a long while ago and liked it. It means, If you want peace, prepare for war. It seems to be the summation of my life. I am constantly struggling against something to just to grab a few moments of contentment. I decided to come here to attempt to empty my thoughts and perhaps calm my mind, if even briefly.