Comments From The Peanut Gallery

When a tragedy occurs, there are so many questions, some without answers. People search for reasons, for someone or something to blame. In moments of uncertainty and sorrow, we are reminded of the fragility of life and the unpredictable nature of the world we live in.

As humans, we have an innate need for understanding. Curiosity drives us to seek answers, a reason or explanation for something we do not understand. Seeking explanations provides a sense of control, predictability, and understanding. However, there are moments in life when no amount of rationale or logic can provide a satisfactory explanation.

Our reality is shaped by our own perspectives and experiences. What may make perfect sense to one person might be utterly confusing to another. It's like we're all living in our own little bubbles of understanding, with occasional overlap but plenty of room for misinterpretation.

It is natural in unexpected and unexplainable incidents for people to speculate on the events leading up to the tragedy. Regardless of how one may feel, my challenge would be to keep in mind that there are loved ones left behind. In making comments, everyone should allow grace. Something negative does not have to be said. If you feel that you must say something, it can be neutral. 

Someone can be an inherently good person but it doesn't mean they're immune to making mistakes or poor decisions. It's important to remember that everyone has their flaws and lapses in judgment. Some poor decisions and judgement lapses can be brief and some can continue as a result of one's extenuating circumstances. It's not a complete reflection of their character. We have to be willing to see that their identity extends beyond that.

Sometimes people find themselves in tough situations that force them to act in certain ways just to survive. It's not that they enjoy acting a certain way, but it becomes ingrained as a coping mechanism. Whether right or wrong, some develop defense mechanisms to protect themselves. People in pain often do things to prevent themselves additional pain or they may try to control situations where they feel they can protect and possibly prevent another’s pain. Sometimes they can be the one who inflicts the pain, before someone has the chance to hurt them again. At the time, the behavior might be a result of survival or what they think is an immediate answer to a problem, rather than choice.

You can never truly know the state of someone’s mental wellbeing. I lost a friend to suicide last year. She was a well-loved woman in her personal and professional life. She was an active and present wife, mother, daughter, relative and friend. In her career, she made a difference every…single…day. Many were left on their knees upon learning the news as I am unaware of one single person who saw it coming.

I am a mother and a full-time caregiver to my daughter. I can attest to the toll it can take on your mental health by being in a caregiver role. Unless you have firsthand experience, full or part time, you cannot truly know what it is like. And if you do, situations are different, and everyone is not the same. One person’s level of stress may be at max while another's, is minimally affected.

In saying all of this, my point is regardless of personal feelings about someone or a situation, kindness goes a long way. You do not have to try to say something as nicely as possible to refrain from “falsely glorifying” someone. After all, as the saying goes,
In the aftermath of a tragedy, let there be a resilience that transpires as we come together to support one another and find strength. Not everything can be neatly explained or understood, and in my mere opinion, it is more important to show compassion than to point fingers. If you know of someone going through a rough time, trying to make sense of a tragic situation or who may feel lost, add them to your prayer list. 
Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing praise.
James 5:13

Comments